Freedom
by xXChantallXx
Summary: "I told you to leave me alone." The boy said. "Why, I thought we were friends!" The girl questioned. "We will never be friends, annoying brat." The boy stormed off. - I never understood him. Even now, 18 years later, I still don't understand him. But, I still love him nonetheless...
1. Chapter 1

**Hello! :D Welcome to my second story. I will hopefully be updating this story often, maybe every week if I can. Hopefully I can make this happen. xD Hope you all enjoy!**

 **Chapter 1: See him again**

"Levi, where are you going?" the girl asked. The dirt ceiling of the underground hovered over the two children as they walked through the violence-filled streets. Thugs hung around every corner, greedy merchants tricked poor citizens into buying overpriced goods across the tall buildings.

"I told you to leave me alone." The boy said, his anger starting to become apparent. He kicked a stone and watched it jump across the uneven path.

"Why, I thought we were friends!" The girl questioned, tears starting to well up in her eyes. She quickened her pace, following the boy more closely.

"We will never be friends, annoying brat." The boy stormed off.

* * *

That day. It was the day I longed for for so many years. The day I would get to see him again. It had been over 18 years since I saw him. He disappeared when I was only twelve years old.

"Chana, we're going to be late hurry up!" Rayna stood in front of me, looking down at me fixing my boot. Rayna Mienna, another member of the 102nd training corps, my one friend since I made it up from the underground.

"I know," I sighed, "Rayna, are you nervous?"

"Nope! I'm ready to join the Military Police!" she stated proudly, "You know, I still don't understand why you are joining the Scouts for some guy you knew as a kid. Maybe you want to be more than childhood friends?"

"It's not like that Rayna! I just want to see him, it's almost been twenty years."

"Well I wouldn't join the most dangerous regiment for a reason like that. Nope, I won't be dying for someone who might not even remember me."

"He'll remember me! I know he will!" I shouted.

"Alright, suit yourself. Just don't die before we get to see each other again" Rayna smiled as we walked out the door. This was the last time we would see each other, we were about to choose where we would go. Rayna had decided on the Military Police, a logical choice since she finished third in our class. I was set on the Scouts.

The two of us walked down the hall. It seemed like forever until we reached the outdoors. My stomach grew more and more uneasy after each step. It took me 18 long years to come to this point, I wasn't even sure if I was ready.

The cold night air nipped at my skin. My hands shivered not only from the cool evening breeze but the anticipation of reaching my long-awaited goal. I took a long deep breath as Rayna and I walked in silence. I could see the lights from the meeting area shining between cracks in wooden buildings.

Over 80 new recruits stood impatiently for the recruitment to start. Most would go to the Garrison Regiment. I doubted anyone would come with me to the Survey Corps.

A small stage stood in front of everyone. That was where the commanding officers would state their plans for our futures, whether we would live or die in the regiment we dreamed of. Whether we made the right goals or not.

Chatter resonated through the area. Peers excitedly telling each other where they would go, friends persuading each other not to go to the Survey Corps, people hoping there would be room for them to join the Military Police. The gathering place was filled with noise and tense emotions.

"Settle down everyone," all the new recruits looked up towards the stage, "We will now begin the recruiting for the 102ndth training corps. Please welcome the Regiment leaders."

I looked up impatiently towards the stage. I didn't expect him to be there, he wasn't a captain. That didn't stop me from trying to peer over the people in front of me. I could barely make out the stage from where I stood.

Only mumbles reached me. I didn't hear anything from the presentations, let alone see the people talking. The event lasted around an hour, at which point I was anxious to move on and sign up for the feared Survey Corps. I was ready to become a scout and see him again.

* * *

"New recruits for the Survey Corps, we would like to welcome you to the regiment!"

Five soldiers wearing the wings of freedom on their backs stood in front of us. Our new captains. We were finally done with training, now they were going to send us to our deaths.

Eight people decided to join along with me. I expected us all to die within the first mission. Even me. But, I wasn't scared of dying. Being part of the Scouts was much better than the underground in every way. I would have much rather died while fighting than rot where the sun would never reach. Even if my death had no meaning or purpose.

He wasn't part of the five in front of me. My heart sank, maybe I wouldn't see him that evening, maybe he wasn't even at the recruitment. Maybe he was dead…

Immediately dismissing the thought, I shook my head and continued to listen to the first squad's captain, the leader of the Survey Corps. He explained the honor of the regiment, the duties of the scouts and many other things that didn't matter in the long run, that wouldn't matter if we were dead.

"Once again, welcome to the Survey Corps!" The commander finished. We were all dismissed and lead to our new barracks.

* * *

"I'm going to go out for a walk," I told my fellow Survey Corp rookies as I exited the building, "In case anyone asks."

I saw one of three people nod, none of them spoke. They all had nervous looks on their faces, worry and regret was apparent from the silence and little movement they all demonstrated. I could immediately tell they all regretted their decision. It wasn't like they could change their minds anymore though. They were stuck in the most deadly regiment of them all.

The cool night air enveloped me once again, for the second time that day. It was getting close to midnight, most people would have been asleep and gaining energy for the next day. I was sure the only ones who weren't were the new recruits who would have been contemplating on their decision and regret.

The gravel path rubbed against my boots causing a quiet shuffling noise with every step. It was getting cooler at that time of year, I wasn't looking forward to fighting in the low temperatures. I pulled my new Survey Corps jacket more tightly around me, trying to stay warm but, the material wouldn't conserve heat as well as I hoped.

I made it to a small area with a few benches and flowers placed in a circular formation. I walked over and sat down on a bench as a small breeze shook through the Scout Regiment base. The moon shone brightly onto the area, helping the small lantern I held illuminate the darkness.

In the distance, I heard similar footsteps to my own approaching. I immediately jerked the lamp towards the noise, hoping it wasn't a vicious animal or a titan that somehow managed to get in. As the figure came closer, I saw the bright orange colour of a military coat and looked away relieved.

"You know, you shouldn't be out this late. You'll be too tired for training tomorrow." Said a voice coming from the direction of the earlier footsteps.

The lantern's candle started to get smaller, making it harder to see the face of the voice. I squinted towards the figure who kept walking closer towards me. When it stood above me, my heart stopped for a moment. I finally did it.

"Levi…"


	2. Chapter 2

**Hi everyone, thanks for reading and coming back x). If you like this story, go check out my Bleach fic, another story where I insert Chana into the anime. Unfortunately, I might not be updating as often as this but I'd really appreciate it if you would take a look it you like Bleach (if you don't, you should watch it again because it's amazing.)**

 **Please leave a review or a follow, they help motivate me to write more for all of you amazing people! :D**

 **Enjoy!**

 **Chapter 2: Tereza**

"What's your name?" The girl asked. It was the first time she saw the boy, he rarely come out of his house.

"Why would I tell you?" He said, sitting on the steps of a building. He looked down at the muddy path that trailed straight through the neighborhood.

"I want to know who you are. My name's Chana." The girl stated proudly.

The boy didn't answer.

"Why won't you talk to me?" The girl questioned.

The boy didn't answer.

"Why are you being so mean?"

The boy got up and left the girl alone in front of the crumbling buildings they called home.

* * *

"Levi…"

"It's you…" an expression of surprise was plastered on his face, his eyes wide, his lips slightly open as he finished his statement.

"Why are you here?" He asked, his face changing to a much more menacing expression. His stone cold grey eyes met my own, pouring fear into my mind. He was not pleased to see me, I could tell by his displeased and serious tone.

"I wanted to go for a walk." I said, starting to feel the effects of my rising nervousness.

"That's not what I meant."

"Then what did yo-" I started.

"Why did you come up from the underground?"

I stood speechless as he continued to stare at me. I couldn't move. The darkness of the night enveloped us as my lantern grew dimmer. All I could see were his gleaming eyes and the edges of his dark black hair.

"I asked you a question, idiot."

"Um… Well… I…"

"You're hopeless. If you aren't going to answer me, go back to bed."

"I'm sorry…" I looked down to the cobblestone path beneath my feet. A few stones were faintly visible from the lantern but, it was hard to make out the exact shapes and edges. Small pieces of grass sprouted between the cracks and reflected the light in my hand back to me.

"Just go back to your barracks." He turned around and draped his jacket over his shoulder. The bright orange material slowly disappeared until I couldn't see him at all. He was gone in the darkness… But, I knew he was still there, somewhere in front of me. That made my nerves wash away. That reassured me that I had done it, all my hard work payed off.

* * *

"New recruits! Salute for the captains of the Survey Corps!"

Seven people placed their fists on their hearts in honor of our new commanding officers. I wasn't surprised there was one person who didn't show up. I expected almost everyone to leave, even myself. Seeing Levi again gave me a new goal, though. Something else to work for, more motivation to live.

* * *

 _My boots clicked across the path as I walked back to the barracks, my new home. It was getting late, the moon was getting closer to setting. I assumed it was a few hours past midnight. The cold air was still obvious, more wind blew across Headquarters._

 _The temperature or the looming storm clouds didn't bother me though, all I could think about was what just happened. He actually remembered me, after all these years… He didn't find me irrelevant enough as children that he would forget about me. He cared, even the smallest bit…_

 _Arriving at the barracks shook me out of my thoughts. A few lights were still on, illuminating the room enough for me to make my way to my bed._

 _I climbed up to my top bunk and looked up at the ceiling. Jagged pieces of wood stood about four feet above me. I didn't touch it in fear of getting a splinter on my bare hand._

 _"You were part of the most recent Training Corps right?" A girl that seemed like she was about a young teenager was standing on my ladder, peering over the edge f my bed._

 _"Yes, I was. Why?"_

 _"You might not remember me but I was part of it too_ _. Can I sit with you?" The nervousness in her voice was apparent. The faint but noticeable shaking in her tone proved she was scared, I felt sorry for her._

 _"Sure…" I whispered quietly, trying not to wake anyone up._

 _I took my dead lantern and relit it. Placing it beside us, I looked up at the girl. I immediately recognized her form the training group I was in. I never really spoke to her, I was always with Rayna. I never really spoke to anyone unless I had to._

 _"My name's Tereza Pinheiro. It's nice to talk to you." A forced smile spread across her face, trying to hide the fear that was eating away at her._

 _"I'm Chana Kurokawa," I said in return, "Can I ask why you're still awake?"_

 _"To be honest, I don't want to die. I wanted to prove I was brave and strong but now, I feel weak and want to go back to my village."_

 _"Don't be scared Tereza, We won't be going on an expedition for a little while and I'm sure we will be in the safest spot when we do." I said, trying to not only reassure her but myself as well. Deep down I was terrified of dying, scared of having to really fight one of them…_

 _"I know…" She looked away from me and into the dimly lit darkness of the room, "Let's talk about something else… How was your walk?"_

 _"It was alright…" I laughed as my head shot to look in her direction, "It's not like anything happened, just a normal walk!"_

 _"It wasn't normal was it?" She smirked._

 _"Of course it was!"_

 _"What really happened?"_

 _"Nothi-"_

 _"I know you're hiding something."_

 _I sighed. She wasn't giving up._

 _"I'm serious!"_

 _"You're hopeless Chana."_

 _"That's what he…"_

 _"Who's he? Is it a guy you like? Did he come here with you?"_

 _"You're so nosy, talk about something else."_

 _"Why, don't you want someone to talk to?"_

 _"I don't know" I looked away._

 _"Well just tell me what happened. I can keep a secret!"_

 _"You aren't going to give up are you?"_

 _She nodded her head and smiled. I had never met anyone as outgoing and cheerful as her. Just a few minutes earlier she was on the verge of tears in fear. Then, she completely changed and became the happiest person I had ever seen. Life in the underground prevented people from becoming happy because of the terrible living conditions and the murders, it was rare to meet someone like Tereza down there._

 _"Well… I kind of met Levi while I was out…"_

 _"You mean that really strong guy?" Tereza exclaimed._

 _"Is he really that strong now? I never thought he would become this good."_

 _"What do you mean is he really strong? Have you never heard of what he has done since he joined the Scouts? He's one of the strongest soldiers ever!"_

 _"Seriously? When I first saw him he looked like the weakest kid ever!"_

 _"You knew him when you were kid? That's so cool!"_

 _"It's not a big deal I-"_

 _"What was he like?"_

 _"He wouldn't even talk to me, it was so rude. He was the most annoying person."_

 _"I heard he isn't much different from that, he only talks to the people in his squad and only when he needs to… Some people say it's because of some tragic event that happened when he first joined and now he's the coldest he's ever been."_

 _"Oh…" I said as my heart started sinking. I had never thought of what could have happened to him since he disappeared… What did he go through? What did he experience that was so terrible?_

 _"But, because of that he became really strong and he might become a squad leader soon!"_

 _"A captain?"_

 _"People are starting to call him humanity's strongest soldier."_

 _"Wow…"_

 _"It would be so cool to be like him," Tereza exclaimed, "the strongest soldier of all…"_

 _"That's it. I am going to be stronger than hm. I will get stronger to show him I'm not just some annoying brat. I'll show him that I can be stronger than him!"_

 _"Good luck with that." Tereza laughed, "I better be getting to bed. I'll see you tomorrow."_

 _She climbed down the ladder and out of sight. I blew put the flame in the lantern and laid down to sleep. The next morning would be the start of something new. A new goal to keep me motivated. If I could even survive long enough to fulfill it._

* * *

"Today you will all be assigned to squads! In the fifth squad…"

The commander rambled on, listing all the names of the new recruits, telling them their new assignments and expectations. Waiting to be told what could possibly be the end of them.

"Cadet Kurokawa Chana! You will be assigned to the Special Ops squad. Your talents and hard work in the Training Corps and your first place ranking in your class has proven that your skills are worthy of the elite squadron. I believe that is all for this year's recruits, please proceed with your assigned squads to commence training."

I immediately walked away from the crowd. I couldn't believe it, I had heard of only a few recruits being placed in the Special Operations squad on their first day. I didn't realize the skills I gained were enough to gain the privilege.

I walked up to my new captain and saluted.

"Hello sir! Thank you for having me in your squad!"

"No need to be so formal. Contrary to what you might have assumed, we aren't the strictest of squads."

"Alright, than you sir."

"You don't need to call me sir, the name's Marzell Van." The captain said as we started walking to the Special Ops Headquarters.

The walk wasn't long. When we arrived, I was surprised at how small the building was. I assumed it would be huge because of the amount of fame the squad had.

"Welcome to the team!" He said as he opened the doors. I stood it shock, staring at one thing.

"You're here…" I exclaimed.

"Tch. Just take a seat and shut up, new recruit." He looked away. This would be a very long day.


	3. Chapter 3

**Hello again x) I'm so happy so many people are reading! I really appreciate you guys! Hopefully you enjoy this chapter!**

 **Chapter 3: Injury**

"Oh hi, it' you again." The girl carried a small bag of vegetables she had gotten from vendors two streets over.

"Please leave me alone." The boy asked.

"Why don't you want to talk to me? I still don't even know your name!" The girl asked in return.

"If I tell you will you leave me alone?" He asked, looking up to her eyes for the first time.

"Sure, if that's what you want." The girl shrugged.

"Fine, if that's what it takes. I'm Levi."

* * *

"Cadet Kurokawa!"

"Yes sir!"

"Today you will personally show me your ability level so we can assign you your task and position in the next expedition."

"Yes of course sir!" I replied back to the captain.

I walked up to the course set up ahead of me. I could make out the edges of some fake titans in the distance, some hidden behind trees in the forest ahead.

My task was simple, kill at least five before three minutes were up. Compared to the Training Corps, this would be easy. In our exam, we were told to kill ten fake thirty meter high titans in five minutes. These twenty meter tall ones would be a breeze to take down. Just a small warm up exercise.

"You may start Cadet!"

Clenching the sword handles firmly in my hands, I immediately launched the first cable. It quickly grabbed hold onto a tree and pulled me into the forest. I could feel the air rushing past me, my hair flowing in the wind.

I approached the first wooden titan and deployed my gear to latch onto a nearby tree. The titan faced to the left of me, its nape wide open beside me. I sped back past it in the direction I came from and swiftly cut off a large chunk of the fake skin. One down.

Immediately after the kill, I swerved past it and back in my original direction. I had already finished a third of the assignment, things were going really well.

Swooping past the trees made me feel better, less nervous about everything that happened the last few days. The feeling of flying always calmed me, it made me feel like I was free from the terrible world we had to endure. It made me feel safe even if I knew I would be using it to fight titans in the near future.

Another wooden structure caught my eye on the left, around a few trees. I made a sharp turn around a tree and went for the kill. This one was a bit taller, maybe a couple meters bigger. But, nothing I hadn't taken down in previous training.

By blade got stuck on the neck. I cut to deep that time. I released it, immediately replacing it with another from my supply. It was the first time I ever experienced losing a blade that way, it had always broken before. Ignoring it, I focused on killing the final titan. I had almost four minutes left, plenty of time.

I got deeper and deeper into the forest, thicker branches clouded my path. They were really making the test hard.

I spotted the last titan. He stood between three large trees, only one entrance to the area was visible. I ducked under all the branches, flying dangerously close to the ground. As I approached, I launched another cable and flew upwards towards the titan. I was ready to kill it. I was ready to prove I'm not some lowly garbage from the underground.

A snap sound rang through the forest. I lost my balance and went flying towards a large tree my right cable was attached to. My shoulder came in contact with it before my gear came off and I fell to the ground. I could see the other cable on another tree. It was broken.

 _Dammit, I messed up._ I thought to myself as the pain from my shoulder started to increase. It was definitely broken. Everything was over. _Dammit._

I sat against the tree, trying to ignore the pain that resonated around my injured shoulder. At that moment, the entire right side started to cause pain. I couldn't move. I was done for, no more Scouts, no more killing titans, no more Levi…

A couple birds flew by, about at the height I was at just moments ago. But, I was stuck without gear in the middle of a forest. Alone. It took them almost an hour to come get me.

* * *

"Your shoulder is broken and your hip badly bruised. You need to be taken off duty for a couple months." The doctor told me as I laid in a bed in the Survey Corps infirmary.

"Seriously? Are you sure it will take that long?" I asked, hoping it was a lie.

"For you to recover and gain your strength back, it will take at least one or two. I'm sorry Cadet Kurokawa." The doctor apologized and left me alone with my thoughts.

I laid my head back down on the pillow. This was absolutely great. I wouldn't be able to prove myself to anyone, show anyone I was strong, show everyone that I could be better than Levi… I would have to start over after that length of time with no training. Might as well quit while I had the chance.

"Chana!" A loud voice came crashing through the door, "Are you alright?"

Tereza walked in and sat beside my bed. Her red hair looked like a mess, like she had just gone through some tough training. She looked more exhausted than I imagined I was.

"Not with these injuries. I have to stop fighting for a while." I said, sighing.

"Lucky, we have an expedition coming up in two weeks, I'd do anything to be in your position right now." Tereza said, worry becoming more noticeable in her tone, "Oh, before I forget, there's someone who came with me to see you but she got caught up talking to someone in the hallway."

"Who would come see me?" I asked, raising an eyebrow. I didn't talk to anyone besides Levi, Tereza and the captain…

"Chana! I'm so sorry I'm late!" Rayna ran through the door. My first true friend actually got to come and see me. I smiled and let out a small giggle.

"Rayna! How are you here?" I asked, overjoyed but confused.

"They made an exception and let me come visit because your condition was so bad. Thank you so much for getting me out of boring police work." She laughed. Her military jacket bore the sign of a green unicorn, just as I expected it would when we parted ways.

"Is it really that bad?" I laughed.

"Yup, and the people there are so annoying. They are all about rules and staying safe inside the protected stuck up towns of Wall Sina. I should have chosen another regiment."

"At least you get to be safe though, many people would kill for your position."

"Well they can have it. I'll probably never even see a titan in my life because of my regiment."

Tereza and I started laughing. Hearing that the MPs weren't as great as everyone said made me a bit relieved. Rayna described it like anything would be better than the regiment everyone wanted. At least in the Scouts we have more freedom and adventure. And of course better

* * *

It had been almost a week since the accident. Captain Van came to see me once with a couple other squad members to inform me that my gear was worn out due to incorrect assembly when it was first made. I was relieved to hear it wasn't my fault. If it was, I was sure I would get kicked out of the squad or worse.

"I'm surprised it lasted this long with all the complex maneuvers you have been doing, it should have broken a while ago. It seems like you take quite good care of it. It's a great thing to get used to doing, well done." He had said, smiling. I smiled back and thanked him. It was the first time anyone has praised me since the beginning of the Training Corps. After a few months, it became so strict nobody was ever told they had done a good job.

"Anyways, we will have some brand new thoroughly inspected ODM gear for when you get back."

"Thank you so much Captain Van!"

"We'll come visit later, get well soon Chana."

He and the two other squad members had left the room and I was once again alone. I was starting to become more accustomed to being alone, which had never happened since I was a child. The silence calmed me along with the bright natural light coming from the windows. At times, I could see birds flying around outside, making me long for the day I would recover and be able to feel the air rush past my face again.

* * *

After a week, my shoulder still caused strong pain. I wasn't going to be able to go stay at the barracks again for a while. I wouldn't get to have another late night conversation with Tereza until I was able to move around without pain. She was too busy to see me very often and Rayna had to go back to the MPs after less than a week off.

No one else came to visit me in that time. I didn't think much about it since I didn't know many people and the people I did know probably had responsibilities they needed to fulfill. I spent my time reading and sleeping so I was rarely bored enough to want some company. I didn't even care that Levi didn't stop by.

But then he did.

"Hey are you awake?" His voice came through the door. Seconds later, he stood in front of my bed. His midnight black hair laid perfectly on his head and his beautiful dull grey-blue eyes looked straight at me. He was wearing the standard uniform and holding some papers.

"You came to see me?"

"I just came here to give you this from the captain." He said, handing me the papers he was holding, "I'll get going now."

"Wait!" I blurted out, not even thinking about why I was saying it.

"What?" He said, a hint of annoyance clouded his usual tone.

"Um… Well… I…" I said, trying to think of an excuse to save myself from looking like a complete idiot, "What are these papers about!?"

"Oh… They are describing our next expedition, you won't be coming with us but he wanted you to know what would be happening, since you've never been on one before." He explained before turning back to leave.

"Oh, alright…" I said as he got closer and closer to the door, "Wait Levi!"

"What is it now?"

"I just want to know, why did you leave me back then..?"

We stood in silence for a few moments, he turned to look straight at me. I could see a hint of pain on his face, like he was remembering something terrible that had happened. It was the first time I saw an expression of weakness from him, even if it was only the slightest bit.

"You would have been safer to stay there without me." He said.

He quickly turned and left, leaving me in shock alone in the room.


	4. Chapter 4

**I so happy yayy~~! xD There are so many views, I'm honestly so happy. Thanks for motivating me with all the follows and reviews! If you haven't already, there's no harm in following or favouriting the story, even a small review helps! ;D Love all of yous~!**

 **Chapter 4: Staying Back Alone, The First Expedition**

The girl passed by several times, the boy sat on the front steps as usual. She honoured her promise, she did not disturb him. Even though it was apparent he was lonely.

* * *

The day of the expedition. I was finally allowed to leave the Scout's infirmary. I made my way back to the barracks to see it empty. Everyone had already left. Every step I took echoed through the lifeless room like a loud wind blowing a forest of giant trees. I had only seen a forest of giant trees once from afar, when I finally got up from the underground I hoped to see one up close one day, to be able to climb up one and see the blue skies stretched over the green fields.

As I dreamed of giant forests, I struggled to get up to my bed. The ladder was only a few rungs high but, my leg still felt sore after every step and my shoulder wasn't much use. I had only one hand to help me up to the top. After a few moments, I finally made it up and glanced over at the rows of beds that were unfilled. I would probably never be alone like that again.

I laid down, the papers clenched in my hand. I had read the plans for the expedition once, not really understanding most of it. I decided to look it over again, hoping to figure out where people would be positioned and the level of risk they would have.

The map of the formation was quite well thought-out. I was glad to know that the new formation created by Captain Erwin Smith would be ideal to decrease risk, to decrease the chances of Tereza dying…

Immediately shaking off the thought, I noticed the position I would have been in if I had gone. Nervousness and relief overshadowed me simultaneously when I saw that I would have been in one of the most risky positions, the front row. I was glad I wasn't there on my first expedition, relieved I didn't have to experience that but, I knew I would have to eventually. On the next trip outside the walls, I would be there…

 _What am I thinking? I am strong enough, I can kill titans like it was my morning routine. I did outstandingly in training, I would have been fine!_ I forced thoughts of reassurance into my mind. I didn't deserve to be scared, I had to be brave. I was the strongest in my class. I wasn't supposed to be scared.

I turned around and looked at the scenery outside my bedside window. A large hill sat in the distance behind a short wall. A small, underwhelming forest stood to the left. Nowhere near as close to as tall as I wanted to see but, it was still much more beautiful than the dirt-filled underground I came from.

Thinking of home made me shiver and welcome a feeling of uneasiness. That cold heartless place was somewhere I never wanted to return to. I never wanted to see the things that haunted me as a child again. The murders, robberies, greedy merchants, diseased streets. I never wanted to go back, I never wanted to remember the horrors I had to endure there.

But my mind wandered, and I did. Flashbacks haunted my mind. The terrible messed up life I had to call a childhood came rushing back, even after pushing it away for so long. Scenes of blood, death and thugs overtook my mind, causing tears to start piling up under my eyelids. It was almost the anniversary of that day, the worst day of my life.

I cried in silence in the lifeless room.

Days passed. Only the doctor and a couple people who took care of the extra horses were with me. I was basically alone, I didn't speak to any of them. All I could do was wander around the base and get lost in my thoughts.

* * *

"They have returned!" A voice called out across the base, waking me from my sleep. I had slept in by accident, it seemed like it was almost noon.

It had been just over ten days since they left. I did next to nothing the whole time. I was really excited to see a lot of people fill the barracks again. I wanted to have late night conversations with Tereza again, get to know my fellow roommates more. There weren't many chances to socialize with others, hopefully there would be a small break now that they were finished an expedition.

I ran towards the entrance to the headquarters to see horses in the distance and people riding them home. They were back, everyone was back. It wasn't until they were right in front of me that my spirits dropped.

Two carts full of cloth wrapped bodies were in tow, the number of moving people was much lower than I ever could have expected it to be. They came riding in, their heads hung low. Tears fell down some faces, other people seemed so chocked their faces were blank. I immediately knew the expedition was more of a loss than a success.

More people passed, I hadn't seen anyone from my squad. I immediately dismissed my growing worry and assumed they passed me already. I looked towards the end and relief engulfed me. Tereza sat on a horse that slowly walked past the gate, she was safe, she made it.

"Tereza!" I called out to her. She turned her head, smiled slightly and looked away again. I couldn't have imagined what she saw on that trip, especially with that many recovered bodies in tow. I didn't even want to think about how many got eaten…

I decided to walk back without even seeing everyone that came back, not even making sure the people I knew were safe because I doubted they even were.

* * *

No one spoke that night. Tereza didn't say a word to me since the return. She sat silently on her bed, staring out the window. I knew she was definitely regretting everything, contemplating on the past week.

"Cadet Kurokawa! Please follow me immediately!" A female soldier stood in the doorway. She was much more senior than me, I hadn't seen her before. I slowly climbed down from my bed with eyes watching me. I was the only one moving in the whole room, I attracted all the attention.

"Yes ma'am!" I saluted before she turned and led me out into the darkening outdoors. The cool breeze reminded me of my first day in the Scouts, the first time I saw Levi since we were both children causing trouble in the darkness of the Underground. Hope for his survival sat deep inside me since they arrived, I had no idea if he was even back home.

The soldier led me into the main office building where the captains of the five main squads slept and had their offices. A place I hoped to live in in the future.

The building was much warmer than the barracks, which weren't very well insulated in the first place. I relished in the heat that comforted me compared to the increasingly cold weather outside. The colder season was approaching and I always dreaded it. Nothing good came from it. There was less food and everyone was more miserable than usual.

"This is where you are needed Cadet. If you don't mind have any questions, I must leave now." My guide said. I nodded and she walked back down the way we came. I was left in front of a door with no idea what I was needed for. I took a deep breath and knocked on the large wooden gate.

"You can come in." A voice mumbled from the other side. I carefully peeked through the door as I slowly opened it and entered the room.

Surprisingly, Levi sat at the desk. His head rested on his hand which stood up on the large desk by the back of the room. His eyebrows were furrowed and bags hung under his eyes. In his other hand, he held a pile of papers.

"You're safe!" I said, excited and full of relief. He didn't answer me.

"Where's the captain, this is his office isn't it?" I asked. No answer again.

"Why aren't you answering me?"

"They're all dead."

"What?"

"The whole squad is dead, Chana. Every last one of them."

"But… How? They were part of the elite squad!"

"There were five abnormals that attacked at once. They had no chance."

"Then… How are you alive..?"

"I was ordered to relay an oral message to the commander. When I got back, they were all dead and we had to retreat."

"No…" My voice shook as I spoke. I couldn't believe him, I didn't want to. I kept denying it in my head, even though I knew it was pointless. I knew Levi wouldn't joke about that. I knew he would never make light of death, especially in front of me.

"The commander asked me to become the new Captain, the new section leader for the elite squad."

My head immediately shot in his direction, making eye contact with him instantly.

"I'm not sure if I should accept it or not, I have until tomorrow to decide." He explained, "I brought you here to let you know about everyone though. You can leave now."

I stood there, still looking at him as his focus shifted to the piles of papers on the desk. He was the only survivor and he was bottling up the pain of losing his whole team. I could hardly imagine what he was thinking, what he wished he could have done. He knew he could have helped. Stress and a hint of guilt was plastered all over his face.

"I told you to leave."

"You should become the new captain." I blurted out, not having a clue what I was saying. But, I didn't waver. I was right, he was strong and he deserved the position. He was the only one who could carry on as the leader of the elite squad. He was the only surviving member that had actually gone on expeditions with them.

"What?" He said, glaring at me, "It's not your decision."

"I know it isn't. But, I know you. You would make a great leader and would be able to take the squad further that it has ever been. I know you woul…"

"Look, I know we knew each other back then but you don't know me now. Get out of my office and go back to the fucking barracks!" He ordered. His voice sounded somewhat threatening. I quietly left. He seemed frustrated enough when I first got there, I didn't want to make him any angrier than I already had.

I slipped back into the barracks and turned to the window, gazing at the stars peeking through the few small clouds. As the sky got darker, I slowly fell asleep, thinking of the day that just passed.


	5. Chapter 5

**Hello :) Hope you are liking the story. Follows, favourites and reviews / suggestions are always appreciated! Enjoy!**

 **Chapter 5: The aftermath**

"I'll be back soon Chana, I need to do something with the other men that live nearby. I should be home for supper."

"Alright daddy! I'll miss you!" The girl replied. Her grinning face lit up the room.

"Be good to your mother while I'm out." The man winked at the girl and walked out the door, a knife hidden in the pocket of his jacket.

* * *

The next morning, nobody was sent for training. It was understandable, no one even spoke. I doubted they would want to train or do any work.

Since my injuries were nearly completely healed, I decided to train by myself to get my strength back up to where it was before. I did not want to be caught anywhere near as weak as I was when we left for an expedition.

When I arrived at the training area, I was surprised to see someone training with their ODM gear in the edges of the small forest we used for training. I couldn't make out who it was so, I slowly shuffled closer.

The person moved faster than anyone I had ever seen. All I saw was the orange of our uniform jackets as the soldier flew by. I noticed a couple fake titans in the forest, ready for training. The soldier swooped behind the trees and swiftly took out all the titans in a matter of seconds. I gazed in awe as the figure came back to the main training grounds where I stood.

I recognized the raven black hair immediately. After what happened the previous night, I didn't want to approach him. I quickly turned around and started to quickly shuffle back to the sleeping quarters.

"Tch. This new gear is crap." I heard Levi say as I neared the end of the training grounds. Before reaching the exit, I quickly turned around to see him sitting on the ground and fiddling with his gear. I paused for a moment and stayed where I stood. I wasn't very far from him, about 30 meters away.

I took another step while still looking away from him. But, my foot accidentally bumped into a large rock laying near the exit and made me fall to the ground. I quickly twisted my body so I wouldn't land on my shoulder, which would have worsened my nearly-healed injury.

I crashed against the dry dirt, my face scratching on the small sharp rocks that laid there. A small bit of main started to grow on my face. I rubbed my fingers on my cheek to notice small bits of blood. Another fucking injury. Why was I always getting hurt? It felt like I was cursed with permanent bad luck.

"Are you okay?" I looked up slightly. Levi was kneeled beside me, his hand stretched out. I took it and he helped me up.

"I just tripped, it's no big deal." I replied after brushing the dirt off my newly cleaned uniform.

"You don't look fine, your face is filthy." He said.

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a pure white cloth. He looked at me nearly in the eyes, holding the cloth in one hand. He examined the wound closely for what felt like forever.

Then, my stomach dropped as he placed his other hand on the edge of my face. He took the cloth and gently rubbed my scratched cheek, cleaning all the blood off. My breathing stopped in shock but, I didn't want it to end… For some reason, his warm touch felt nice… Even if it was only to tend to my small wound. Nothing ever felt that way before…

"There, that's much better. Now go get it properly taken care of before it gets worse." He said, stepping back but still looking at the side of my face.

"Thanks…" I said, my voice shaking. I would have never believed something so small could affect me in that way. It was only a simple action… something everyone else could have done. But, he did it…

"I decided to take the position," Levi stated as he wrapped the dirty cloth in another clean one. "As the captain of the elite squad. You can continue to be a member if you want to."

"Oh, sure. I guess I'll stay if that's okay…"

"Good, now get to the infirmary, your cuts are starting to bleed out again."

"Oh, right, yes sir!" I said before turning around again and finally leaving the training grounds, my heart still pounding from the events I just went through…

* * *

"Not as bad as the last injury, that's for sure!" said the doctor, "But it will take a few days to disappear. The good news is, you are free to do any training or use any equipment now. Your shoulder is completely healed. It's actually one of the fastest shoulder healing times I've seen in my career!"

"Alright, thank you so much. I guess I'll get going now, better get to training." I said. I stood up and left the building, hopefully for the last time for a while. I was starting to feel like going there was part of my normal daily routine.

The bleeding had stopped in the doctor's office, thankfully I didn't need to wear a bulky bandage around the base. It would have been quite annoying to have a large bump on one side of my face.

I immediately made my way back to the training grounds. That time, I was alone. Levi was nowhere to be seen and nobody else decided to come. I knew the death count would have a toll on the surviving men but, I didn't expect everyone to skip out on their duties.

My thoughts wandered elsewhere as I strapped on my ODM gear for the first time in months, I couldn't believe I had been in the Survey Corps for such a long time. It felt like I just joined since I did nothing for so long. I was ecstatic, I would finally get to do the thing I enjoyed most again.

Each step towards the forest felt like ten. All I wanted was to get back there, to fly through the trees. When I arrived, the trees swayed in front of me like they were calling to me. I was meant to go, I wasn't afraid of hurting myself again. I was completely ready.

I sent the first cable and activated the gas. I launched into the mess of branches and leaves, the light disappearing before trickling in in small spots. A blur of green and brown surrounded me and the crisp air brushed against my cut face, soothing the small bit of pain I still felt.

Although my stance was a little wobbly, I was still able to stay upright at a decent speed. It was nowhere near where my skills were at in the beginning but, I was determined to work hard to get back there. I would need to if I ever had the chance to be as strong as Levi.

I headed back to the main training area so I could leave. The sun was beginning to set and I didn't want to be stuck in the dark without a light.

When I arrived, I smiled. Tereza was standing there, looking up towards me. I landed and ran straight towards her, calling her name.

"Hi Chana." She replied when I stopped in front of her. Her eyes were fixed to the ground. Her voice seemed sad, she still hadn't stopped frowning since she arrived. I could tell she was trying to get her mind off the titans and the expedition.

"It looks like your arm is better, that's good…" She said as she looked up and forced a small smile.

"Yup, the doctor said I could start training again today. I've been really excited to use the gear again." I replied, smiling. I hoped that by being cheerful, Tereza would feel better. Unfortunately, I'm pretty sure I made it worse.

"That's nice news…" Tereza sighed. She looked back at the ground again. Her shoulder-length red hair falling beside her face.

"How about we both come back here tomorrow and practice our ODM skills?" I asked, hoping to cheer her up from the depression she was starting to dive into. Nobody would survive in the Survey Corps with depression, they would die the second they left the walls.

"I don't know… I don't think I would be able to tomorrow…"

"Come on, I know I wasn't there to see what you did but, you have to move on. You were the survivor, stop acting like you aren't." I said firmly, staring her straight in the eyes.

"I…"

"Alright, it's settled. We are coming here first thing tomorrow morning!"

I smiled and held Tereza's hands. She shyly smiled back and looked away again. I was determined to help her out. I was going to help keep her emotions from killing her in the end.

* * *

Tereza and I arrived back at the barracks just before the sun disappeared. The people inside briefly looked at us as we walked in. Some looked more shaken than others, they were probably the newer soldiers that had joined in the past few years. Like Tereza, they weren't accustomed fully to death yet. They probably never even came face to face with it in their lives before joining the Scouts.

We walked to the back of the building and I climbed up to my bed. Before Tereza could sit down on her bed, which was located under mine, I asked her to come up and sit with me. She nodded and slowly climbed up the rough wooden ladder.

"I know it may be hard but, would you be able to tell me what happened out there? Nobody has told me much but, I want to understand what everyone saw during the expedition." I asked, trying to make myself sound calm and welcoming. The last thing I wanted was to make her feel forced to relive the terrible experience.

"I guess… I could… try…" She said.

"If you don't want to, I understand!" I stated, trying not to upset her.

"It's alright, I can do it..." She said, her voice still containing a hint of nervousness and regret, "It took us a day to get to Shiganshina, where the recon missions start from. They opened the gate the next day and we left. It was so beautiful out there, there were no walls, and the land went as far as I could see! It was the nicest place I had seen, I immediately dismissed the warnings and stories I had heard about the titans. I couldn't imagine that place being a battlefield. But soon enough, titans came at us just as we were deploying Captain Erwin's formation. Commander Shadis ordered another squad to take them down. The two titans fell and the formation continued. I felt relieved that they could be killed so I let my guard down. Things kept working smoothly like that for the first three days. On the fourth, we assumed everything would be fine like it had been but…"

Tereza stopped. I turned my head to try to see if she was alright but, her hair covered her whole face and I had no idea what she was feeling.

"I'm sorry, you don't have to keep going." I said before turning to get my things ready for bed. I heard her sniff, she was crying…

"Tereza, I think we should get ready for bed, you've had a rough week and need sleep." I said.

"No, I'm fine. I'm sorry." She said, "I have to stop being a child. I knew what I was getting into when I joined."

"Are you sure? I can wait…" I said. She nodded and took a long deep breath.

"I was in the position to the right of the center rank with four other members, one being the leader of the group. There were no titans at first anywhere in the formation, no flares were sent out at all. Then suddenly, two black signals were sent at once, both on opposite ends of the formation. I really hoped it wouldn't reach us… But, It killed the whole outer rear right section. When it reached my squad, the more senior fighters in my squad went to kill it but immediately got killed. One by being smashed by the titan's giant hand and the other was eaten alive. His blood flew out of the giant monster's mouth as his severed shoulder and arm fell over eighteen meters and landed on the ground in front of me. Without giving us time to realize what just happened, it launched towards the rest of us. Only the leader, a new recruit and I were left. The recruit and I were ordered to retreat to another squad and the captain went to fight it alone. He was eaten in front of our eyes. Alive one second and dead the next. It all happened so quickly, we were completely safe a few minutes earlier… I didn't know what to do, the other recruit and I raced towards the closest squad but, his horse tripped in a hole and the soldier flew into the ground. In one moment, the abnormal had already stepped on him. I was the only one left. I kept going, my eyes filling up with tears. I cried as I rode away from the titan, fearing for my life. I made it to the others and an order to retreat was issued. The whole outer ring and most of the middle positions were gone on my side, I had no idea what happened on the other. When we all regrouped at the camp, less than half the people I saw before made it. I didn't stop crying until we reached Shiganshina again a few days later. They all died in front of me, just so I could live. I am the most useless person, I was ranked third last in our training regimen. I don't understand why I was the one to live!"

She hugged her legs and started crying in her knees. I didn't blame her, she just replayed the memories of four people dying in front of her eyes… Back then, I didn't even realize that those moments could affect people so much. Being someone who had lived in hell since birth, I was used to violent death. Murder and pain were common in the streets of the underground. But, I knew that to someone who lived above ground, being a Scout would be a horrific experience. The deaths of people you didn't personally know could leave a scar forever if you weren't used to it like I was…


	6. Chapter 6

**Hii everyoneee! I'm really excited about this chapter, hope you all like it x) The next chapter is going to be special so make sure you come back to read it next week!**

 ***Before reading: The** _fancy italics_ **represent memories in this chapter. In my stories, they will all either be memories or thoughts. In this chapter, it's specifically memories.***

 **Chapter 6: What I Didn't Want to Think About**

"Why is daddy late?" The girl asked as she finished the little food her family could afford.

"He must have gotten caught up. Don't worry, he'll be back soon." The girl's mother said, forcing a smile to cover any sign of worry or doubt. She forced herself to believe everything was going well, even though she knew what her husband's actions could have caused…

* * *

Weeks had gone by, Tereza and I trained together often. I regained most of my former strength and Tereza started to be her cheerful self again. But, all the work we put into making her feel better could have been a waste. Another expedition was scheduled in a week's time. The unknown sights we would see at that time were unknown, so were the repercussions. I didn't want her to go back to the fragile state she was in last time.

Aside from training, not much else happened. Levi barely spoke to me so, it felt like he was avoiding me the whole time. Even though I was the only member of the squad, he never gave me orders or informed me about anything unless it was absolutely necessary. When we did talk, it wasn't for very long. It had been that way ever since the scratches on my face started healing.

One morning though, all of that changed. Tereza and I went to bed late after a short day with little training. The night was freezing, frost covered the ground in the early mornings. Therefore, that night, I found I hard to sleep. The cold air that signaled the nearing of winter filled the room. I was sure I wasn't the only one left awake. Eventually, I fell asleep after struggling to stay warm under my blankets. I was awoken by something I never would have expected.

"Chana! Wake up! Can you even hear me brat?"

I slowly forced my eyes open slightly and peered over the side of my bed.

"Finally! Get out of bed now! It's already noon."

Levi.

"What the hell? Levi! What are you doing here? Why are you in my barracks? Where is everyone?" I yelled, shooting up out of my half-asleep state.

"I told you, you slept in until noon. Everyone's already gone for the day, idiot. And where do I find you? Still asleep in bed! You are the only member of the special ops squad, you should act like it." He said as he crossed his arms and leaned against the wall across from my bed.

"I-I… I'm sorry!" I said, frantically trying to get my stuff to get ready. I panicked. I really messed up that time…

"Get ready and meet me outside. And clean up this mess, your stuff is so disorganized and filthy." He sighed. He then got up and walked outside, leaving me alone to find all my things. I had no clue what had just happened.

* * *

"So why did you need me?" I asked as I struggled to shove my arm into my jacket when I got outside.

"We need to train. The next expedition is approaching. You need more practice." He said. His blank expression matched his serious tone. He started walking. Still trying to put on my ODM gear, I tried to keep up with him.

"I have been practicing! I trained every day since my shoulder got better!" I argued, not knowing exactly why. The whole reason I came to the surface was to see him, right? On top of that there was also the incident where I tripped and he cleaned up my face… That was kind of… nice… I shook my head and concentrated on the conversation at hand, trying to forget about the things I had started feeling since then…

"That was not training. You were training like you just joined the Training Corps. That will get you nowhere brat."

"I just thought I should take it easy for a while because of…"

"It's been over three weeks, you can't afford to take it easy. Do you want to die on your first expedition?"

"No…"

"Well then shut up and let me train you properly. I know how to deal with stuff out there, not your Training Corps friend."

"Tereza has been out there too!"

"And she was almost killed."

"But…"

"You're so irritating. Just shut up, we're here."

We walked into the large training grounds, the place I had become the most familiar with since I joined. The small stone walls enclosed the dusty sanded area and ended where the dirt turned into a grassy forest of medium-sized trees. The storage room sat in the corner of the grounds.

"Let's go." Levi said.

I looked towards him as he deployed his gear and flew into the forest. I quickly followed after him, hoping to not get left behind. He moved quickly, faster than anyone I had seen. I could see him quickly glance back before he reduced his speed slightly until I caught up to him.

"This training is going to take a while, you were much better before." He said.

"I'm sorry… I just…" I said as the thought of the upcoming day I dreaded creeped its way back into my mind. That one day that changed my whole childhood and affected my whole life. I had been trying not to think about it but the closer it got, the less I could suppress it…

"Stop being distracted. I need to see how you would kill the titans before you go on the expedition. I can't train you unless I know your skill level." He said after turning around to talk to me, "Now go kill at least five of them!"

"Yes sir!" I said as I increased my gas output and flew deeper into the woods.

I came across one of the fake titans and immediately aimed for the nape. After cutting it off, I rushed past and kept going, focusing on finding the next one. I had to get better, I had to be strong enough to make it back from outside the walls.

I swiftly cut down another titan. I didn't lose my focus I was determined to kill them. I wanted to be strong enough to kill them all. I didn't want to be the weak little girl from the underground anymore…

 _"Mommy, can I be strong when I grow up?"_

 _"Of course you can Chana."_

The memory immediately shattered my attention and made me momentarily lose my composure. My balance became uneasy and I nearly fell. But, thankfully I easily gained my rhythm again and kept going, still feeling wobbly.

"What are you doing?" I heard Levi yell from behind me.

 _"What are you doing?" The boy yelled. The girl's muffled sobs paused._

I fell. My gear became loose and came out of the trees they were latched onto. I tumbled onto the ground and my gear came off. I rolled on the ground until I came close to a tree. I stopped just before I hit the tree. Levi came down and stood in front of me. I didn't get up.

"What do you think you're doing? If that was a real titan you would be fucking dead!" He yelled.

"I'm sorry, it won't happen again…" I said, trying not to look him in the eyes in fear of more unwelcome memories.

"What is wrong with you today? Do you need to go take a shit or something?"

"No! I'm just… Not really focused today… I have a lot on my mind… Can we continue training tomorrow?" I asked, trying to bury my face in my knees as I leaned against a tree.

We didn't move, both of us stayed silent. The forest was as quiet as an empty room, nothing rang through the trees. I hugged my knees closer, trying to be as small as possible. I didn't want to do anything else… I just wanted to forget…

"It's coming up isn't it? The death of…" Levi said, his voice softer than usual.

"Ya… It's… the day of the expedition…"

"I'm sorry for making you do this. We can continue when you're ready. You should be strong enough for this expedition. Just… try to stay safe. I don't want to have to save you again."

I heard him put his blade with his spares. Tears began to fill up in my eyes, creating a pool on my knees. I cried silently.

"Levi…" I said quietly, hoping he wouldn't hear me.

"What is it?"

"Please… Please don't leave me again. Can you stay here?" I asked, my voice muffled from behind my legs. More tears fell onto my knees.

I heard him sigh before walking. I didn't know which direction he was going. I wanted him to stay, I didn't want to be left alone in the middle of a forest. I was tired of crying alone.

"You know, you're acting like a teenage girl. You need to start acting your age, crybaby." Levi said as I heard him sit down beside me. I turned my head slightly. He sat with one leg bent, his arm resting on top. His eyes focused upwards to the roof of a variety of leaf colours. He looked so calm. His usual unimpressed expression melted a bit, making him seem more approachable, like a nicer person. Like the person I knew from my street as a child…

"I'm sorry." I sniffed. I wiped the tears from my face and looked up from my damp knees.

"It's alright… Don't worry about it right now…"

A wave of salty tears attacked my eyes again as I let the memories that created my scars in. I felt safe with Levi at that moment. I wiped at my eyes constantly, trying to make my vision clearer but, more came to fill their places. Soon, I was bawling. Levi slowly reached his arm over my shoulder and pulled me closer to him until my head rested on his shoulder. I didn't stop crying.


	7. Chapter 7

_***-*REALLY IMPORTANT*-***_

This chapter contains some content that could be disturbing to some viewers therefore, I have decided to warn you. (contains some violence, language etc. that could disturb viewers) If you do not want to read this, don't worry because there is a sort summary of this chapter without specific disturbing details in the beginning of the next chapter. Pleasee skip over this if you feel uneasy about reading it. The next chapter has been posted with this one with the summary.

 **Now, this chapter is all about the past (yayyy) now you get to find out about Chana and Levi's mysterious time together as children in the underground (yayyyy)! Hope you all like it!**

 **I won't be posting a new chapter next week because there are two this week and I am going on vacation. Therefore, I won't be able to write or post any new chapters. Hope you all stick around for the next ones though! x)**

 **Enjoy ;D**

 **Chapter 7: Painful Past**

"I'll be back soon Chana, I need to do something with the other men that live nearby. I should be home for supper."

"Alright daddy! I'll miss you!" I replied, smiling. My mother stood behind me.

"Be good to your mother while I'm out." My father winked and walked out the door. I nodded and waved until he was gone.

"Mommy, can I go outside to play?" I asked. I wanted to see the boy from my street again. He was the only child I knew from the town, I had nobody else remotely close to a friend except for him.

"Alright. Don't be long though, I want you to help me out with dinner tonight and don't go in the alleyways, you know what could happen." I nodded and hugged my mother before heading outside.

As usual, I saw the boy sitting on his front steps. It was like he never went anywhere else. He was always in his house or on front of it all alone. I never saw his parents.

"Hi Levi! Are you having a good day?" I asked when I reached his house.

"You promised you would leave me alone." Was his response.

"You seemed lonely and I don't have any other friends." I said as I sat down beside him.

"We aren't friends. You're too annoying."

"That's mean. I'm sure you don't have any friends either!"

"I don't need friends. If I had some, they would all die here anyways."

"They wouldn't die if you protected them. If you want your friends to be safe, then you should do whatever you can to protect them!"

"I'm not strong enough though. It would be no use." Levi said, staring down at his feet the whole time.

"Well then, become strong."

"You're so annoying. Just leave me alone."

For the first time, I saw Levi get up and leave his front steps. He walked down the street, away from me. That was the first time he left me.

I quickly jumped up and followed him down the dirt path we foolishly called a street. It was more of a pile of damp dirt and sharp rocks. A death trap for people without shoes, which was most of the people who lived nearby anyways.

"Levi, where are you going?" I asked. The dirt ceiling of the underground hovered over us as we walked through the violence-filled streets. Thugs hung around every corner, greedy merchants tricked poor citizens into buying overpriced goods across the tall buildings.

"I told you to leave me alone." Levi said, his anger starting to become apparent. He kicked a stone and watched it jump across the uneven path.

"Why? I thought we were friends!" I questioned, tears starting to well up in my eyes. I didn't want the only person I knew outside of my family to leave me. All I wanted a friend… I quickened my pace, following Levi more closely.

"We will never be friends, annoying brat." Levi stormed off. I couldn't catch up to him. I wasn't able to keep up.

* * *

"Why is daddy late?" I asked as I finished the little food my family could afford.

We weren't the poorest but, we still couldn't afford to eat anywhere near a proper meal for dinner. My father made a living by selling things that my mother made. She could make the most beautiful clothing and blankets but, it was a struggle to find or afford good materials. On top of that, few people were wealthy enough to buy them for a good amount of money. We sold them for cheap, only ending up with enough money for a few vegetables and some bread once in a while. I was content with the amount we got and on top of that, we could afford shoes and nice furniture with the money we saved.

"He must have gotten caught up. Don't worry, he'll be back soon." My mother said, a smile stretching across her face. I knew something was wrong but, I told myself that her smile was real. My father would be home any minute. I kept telling myself that.

"What's he doing mommy?" I asked.

"He's doing something only strong people can do." My mother said as she stood up with her plate.

"Mommy, can I be strong when I grow up?"

"Of course you can Chana." She replied, placing her plate in the small sink on the wall and sitting down at the table again.

"Well, then I promise I'm going to become the strongest person ever and protect you and daddy!"

My mother laughed and looked back at me. That moment seemed like it lasted forever. The scene is etched perfectly in my mind. The last time my mother smiled was something I would never let myself forget. It was the very last moment of happiness I experienced for a long time because the next sudden event was the one that changed everything I knew.

I heard gunshots. My mother stood up immediately from her chair. It fell to the ground and bounced three times. The edge of the wooden backing snapped off, rolling onto the floor.

"Mommy?" I asked. I had only heard gunshots once before. When that happened, thirty-three people died a couple streets over.

Screams came next. I froze in shock. My mother held a small knife in her hand. She stared at the door, ready to attack if anything opened it.

"Chana, go hide. Just in case."

I couldn't move.

"Chana, go. Go now!" She yelled.

I slowly got off of my chair before running into an empty cabinet. I usually hid there when I played with my parents. I closed the door and silence plagued the area. Nothing happened for almost an hour. I stayed hidden. I wouldn't get out until my mother told me to. I curled up tighter, telling myself everything was alright. But it wasn't. It would never be again.

A loud crash came from the direction of the door. I could hear the muffled chuckles of some men as footsteps entered the house.

I could faintly hear my mother talking to them, asking them to leave. Then, I heard a scream. It was coming from her. I faintly whimpered, hugging myself more tightly. I assured myself that this wasn't real. What I thought I was hearing wasn't what was really happening.

Then, the deep voices sent shivers down my spine when I heard them faintly say: don't they have a kid too? I immediately inhaled. I was terrified. Almost incomprehensible female muffles trickled into my cabinet. I could have sworn they were saying no, pleading no.

The other cabinets were opened and closed, each one vibrating the one I sat in. I prayed they wouldn't find me. I didn't want to be found. I wanted to go back to that morning where mother and father made me breakfast with a real egg for the first time in years. I wanted to see them but, at that moment I knew I could never experience something like that again.

The door to my cabinet slowly opened. The grinning face of a man peered in. It was a face I would never forget. It was the face of the man that changed my somewhat decent life into pure hell.

"I found her."

* * *

I woke up and slowly opened my eyed before the left side of my head started emitting a stabbing pain. I winced as the pain grew stronger and stronger. Then, I finally noticed what was around me.

I was lying down on the cold ground. Rocks pressed against the side of my face. In front of me, my mother kneeled, her hands tied and herself head held back by her hair. Tears streamed down her face as she looked up at the man above her.

My hands were also tied behind me, I couldn't move. I could feel dry blood across the side of my face. My whole side ached from lying down for so long. Any movement hurt me somewhere. I wanted it all to stop.

"The kid's awake." I heard someone say before I was ripped up from the ground and forced to kneel, facing my mother. I could fear tears pooling in my eyes from all the pain I felt.

We were beside the stairway located just a few blocks from my house. My father always took me to see it, even though we never went up. I never understood why they made us pay to see the surface. I remember always asking to go up, not knowing what would happen if we just decided to walk past the men and saw it. But in that terrible moment I found myself in, I knew why my father insisted on staying a safe distance away from them.

"Hello little girl. What's your name?" One of the men asked. I stayed silent. I counted five men around my mother and I, including the one who found me in the cabinet.

"So you're a stubborn little one aren't you?" I heard him say before feeling the sharp pain of a kick on my back. I said nothing. I looked at my mother who wore an expression of horror on her face. I could tell she was in pain from the way the skin on her face was shaped. I wanted it to be over so we could go home, I wanted them to finally leave so my mother could take me home. I felt another kick on my back.

"At least answer this. Do you know what your daddy did today? He tried to kill me. He stabbed some of my men because he thought he could secure our stairway. The bastard even brought friends along. Somehow he convinced them they could take this stairway from us and let people go up for free. All of you fucking underground pests are garbage, you should just die like those guys over there." Said the man who kicked me as he looked over beside me. I slowly turned my head to see my father's body, cut into sections. His blood pooled around him. Behind him, over eight other people I recognized from town had the same fate. That was the first time I saw the effects of death firsthand. The second my sheltered childhood was gone forever.

"Da...ddy?" I mumbled under my breath before tears poured down my blood-stained face, "Da… Dadd…y?"

"Now, because of what he did, nine of my comrades are dead. You know what that means bitch? It means that your father needs to pay for what he's done. This is how we are going to do it." He walked over to my sobbing mother and immediately stabbed her in the shoulder. She cried out in pain as she fell to the ground. She looked my straight in the eyes.

"Mo…mmy? Wh...at's happening mommy?" I asked softly, my words buried by my constant crying. The man stabbed her again. Her cries filled the whole area at the bottom of the stairs.

"Stay strong… Chana. Do it for me… please… Tell me you will stay alive for me… Chana!" She cried.

"Shut up bitch!" The man kicked her in the same spot she was bleeding out from.

"Mommy!" I yelled. That moment was when I was introduced to the terrible world never knew I lived in.

"Chana promise me! Promise me you will stay alive!"

"Mommy! I don't understand! Mommy!"

The man forced her to stand. My mother winced in pain. He looked at her for a moment before grinning. He ran the blade down her arm before stabbing her stomach. I could see her blood slowly trickling to the floor.

"Goodbye bitch, have fun in hell." He said before stabbing her in her chest. She fell to the ground, her body limp. With her dying breath, she turned her head to me slightly and muttered,

"I love you… Cha… na…"

I fell to the ground. Nausea engulfed me like a large wave. I had no idea what I just witnessed, I forced myself to believe it wasn't true. I didn't want it to be true. I wanted to go home… With my parents…

"Now, it's your turn. What should I do with you? Quickly or slowly? What a hard decision…" The man said as he walked over to me. I didn't pay attention to him. I was in shock, I didn't feel any emotions. I was blank. I had nothing left. I was ready to die. There was no point in living without my family, the only people I trusted.

The man picked me up by my hair. I ignored the pain. I ignored everything. I ignored his sinister eyes, his evil grin. I was alone. I was helpless. I was useless. I deserved to die. I didn't flinch as the blade that killed my mother pierced the skin on my left arm and was dragged down multiple times, creating lines down my arm. I didn't move a muscle. I didn't have any reason to resist. He threw me to the ground.

"What are you doing?" I heard someone yell, snapping me out of my daze and glanced over to where the sound came from. Before I knew it, the man holding me was stabbed in the arm. He dropped me on the ground and someone immediately grabbed my right arm and pulled me upwards.

"Let's go!" It was Levi. He pulled my arm, forcing me to run away from the group of men. Pain shot through me with every step but I kept going. I kept running for my life even though my face was drenched with salty tears.

* * *

The two of us miraculously lost our pursuers. After over an hour of running, we were safe for the time being. We knew they would find us and not only kill me, but Levi as well. We were both wanted dead. We hid in an alley a couple streets away from the road we lived on. We circled around almost the entire city until we made it back to our area.

I was exhausted, depressed and in a huge amount of pain. Every move I made made my body ache and every time I touched my head it would start emitting a terrible stabbing pain. I didn't want to move. I wanted to stay where I was, curled up with my legs to my chest. Levi sat beside me cleaning the blade he used to save me. When he was done, it reflected the little light we had like it was brand new.

"We should go, they might catch up to us." He said. I didn't say anything.

"Are you able to keep running? You seem pretty beat up." He added. I stayed silent again before tars started trickling down my face again as I cried softly. I didn't even look at him.

I heard him sigh before his feet shuffled on the ground and he stood up. A few moments later, I peeked up and saw him crouch down in front of me, facing away from my face.

"Get on, I'll carry you if you can't keep going." He said. I tilted my head up.

"It's no use. They'll find us eventually." I said before placing my head in my arms again.

"Well then I'll go get rid of them." I heard him say before his feet scraped against the dirt. I immediately looked up, my eyes wide in shock.

"What!? You mean murder!?" I shouted in confusion. My parents always told me never to hurt people, no matter who it was or what I saw. But at that moment, I questioned whether it was the time to break a rule for the first time in my life or follow the wishes of the ones who are no longer there. That was the first time I truly wanted to succumb to the darkness that had always been around me.

"It's what we need to do to survive. We probably won't make it otherw…"

"I'll do it."

I made my decision. The child I once was was gone. The only innocent person in the underground was gone. I had always thought that monsters were the creatures that prowled around at night, but I was wrong. We were all monsters, from the very beginning. There was no point in trying to suppress that any longer. That was my decision. At the age of eight, along with ten year old Levi, I killed the men who murdered not only my family, but the innocent little girl my parents raised as well. I brutally murdered two of the men who changed my life forever out of pure anger. There was no way to turn back from there.

* * *

The MPs came and found my parents dead. Levi and I told them they kidnapped us and we were trying to defend ourselves. I went to stay with Levi and his deceased mother's friend for a few years but, by the time I was old enough to work, they had both gradually left me all alone.


	8. Chapter 8

_**Last Chapter Summary; Chana and Levi's past:**_ 8 year old Chana lives with her mother and father in the Underground where they try to raise her to be a good person despite the fact that most of the people around them are criminals and they are poor. Her parents own a very small business where her mother would make clothing and blankets and would sell them with Chana's father. Levi, who is 10 years old at the time, lives a couple houses down the street and seems to have no interest in taking to Chana. One day, Chana's father and some other men from around the area decide to try to take one of the staircases from some businessmen who control it so they could let poor people go up for free. Chana does not know of this plan. Unfortunately, it doesn't work out and Chana and her mother are attacked and kidnapped. When Chana wakes up, she finds herself beside the staircase with the businessmen and her mother in front of her and her dead father beside her. One of the men kills Chana's mother in front of her before Levi appears, grabs Chana's arm and pulls her away from the group. They spend hours running away from the men who pursued them. Eventually, they decide to go back and kill all five kidnappers before Chana was taken in by Levi's caretaker.

 **Chapter 8: Feeling Safe**

"Hi Chana, my name's Kenny," The man said. "Would you like to stay with us for a while?"

The girl stayed silent, looking down at her feet. She began to realize exactly what had occurred earlier that night, the worst day of her life. A day she would never forget and never get used remembering. The evening she saw real death for the first time.

* * *

"Since there are only two of us in this squad, we will be joining another one for this expedition." Levi explained, "We will be positioned on the outer ring near the middle. This is the position your friend is in as well. Don't get distracted or I'll make you clean this whole building by yourself, it's getting filthy."

"Alright, I got it thanks." I said before getting up to leave.

"Oh and before you go, we should have another training session before we leave tomorrow." Levi asked as he placed the formation map in his desk drawer.

"Ya sure," I said, "I guess I'll see you in a couple hours then."

It was the morning before the expedition. Levi and I went over the plans several times, he wanted to make sure I understood exactly what I needed to do to stay alive.

I left his office and made my way down the hall. It was almost time for lunch so I made my way down to the mess hall to meet Tereza.

When I got out of the line with my food, Tereza immediately stood up and started waving and calling me. I sighed and smiled before walking over to her table.

"Chana! Where have you been?" She asked. She sat with a few of her squad members as usual. It had become a routine that we would all eat together, even though I didn't know Tereza's teammates very well.

"I was with Levi going over the plans for tomorrow." I said. I picked up the bread I was given and ripped it in half and slowly biting off a piece.

"You're always with him. Is there something going on between you two? Like a secret you need to tell your good friend Tereza?" Tereza replied with a suggestive tone in her voice.

"What? No, nothing's happening… I think…" I said, my voice becoming softer by the end.

"You think… Come on tell me." Tereza said.

"Never mind, nothing's happening. I'm his only squad member so we train together, end of story. Nothing more than that!"

"You're no fun Chana. You two seem to be pretty comfortable spending time together so I thought maybe some feelings were being stirred up between the two of you. I guess not though…"

"It's not true! We're just training! No big deal right?"

"If you say so. But you two seem like you trust each other quite a bit, which I heard is really rare with Captain Levi. I heard he trusts nobody in the entire Survey Corps."

"I guess I understand, he doesn't really like many people…"

"Maybe he trusts you because of your mysterious past you mentioned before." Tereza said, shaping her face into her signature smirk.

"I guess..." I said sighing and putting down the rest of my bread. I crossed my arms and rested them on the table.

"Are you guys talking about Captain Levi?" asked one of Tereza's friends. He was tall and looked about the same age as Tereza. His dark black hair was tied up and his eyes were a deep shade of blue.

"Yup. Chana knew him as a kid and won't tell me how. She's keeping a secret from me."

"Really? Well, you can trust Tereza, she never tells people secrets." He said, wrapping his arm around her shoulder, "My name's Fannar Johnson by the way. I joined last year's training regimen, the one before Tereza's."

"I'm Chana Kurokawa, I joined the same year as Tereza." I said smiling.

"Wow, so you got to see her mess up in training all the time." Fannar laughed.

"Stop it! That's not funny!" Tereza yelled, punching Fannar lightly on his shoulder. I laughed, they seemed like they got along well.

"Anyways Chana, back to your story," Tereza said, resting her head in her hands, her elbows on the table. "What is this secret past you don't want to tell me about."

"I'd rather not… talk about it right now…" I said as bits of that night slipped into my conscious thoughts. I looked down and covered my face with my hands and resting my arms on the table.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to pry… Hey, are you alright?" Tereza asked.

I was screwed. I had managed to keep my emotions from getting the better of me since the time in the forest but at that moment, all of it started rushing back. I started to wipe away my tears frantically, trying not to make a fool of myself.

"I'll… I'll be fine… Don't worry about me… It's just not… The best time … For me… I…" I tried to explain but I could hardly articulate my words enough to say anything.

"Do you want to go back to the barracks? I can walk you there if you…" She stopped and her eyes shifted behind me.

I felt a warm piece of clothing drape over my shoulders. I slowly turned around to see Levi standing behind me, draping his orange uniform jacket on me.

"Let's go." He said softly, his eyes meeting mine. I nodded and got up from the bench, still shaking and wiping tears from my face. We left the building together, his arm wrapped around me as he led me outside.

* * *

"It's really getting cold out there," Levi said as he closed his office door behind us. "I don't know how I used to survive in the shitty barracks."

I quickly walked over to one of the couches in front of his desk and sat down. I held Levi's jacket at my shoulders tightly, I didn't want to let it go. My crying stopped since we reached the captain's building. The warmth of the building and knowing I was holding Levi's jacket probably calmed me down, I'm not sure of the exact reason.

"I can't bail you out like that all the time you know. You need to stop acting like a baby and compose yourself in public. Do you really want to look like a crybaby in front of a bunch of teenagers?" Levi said as he sat at his desk. He whipped his feet into the air and rested them on the table.

"I'm sorry… I should be fine by the time we get back from the expedition…" I said as I rubbed off the tears that dried on my face.

"That's if you even make it back. Are you really going to be alright tomorrow?" He asked.

"I should be fine, don't worry about me." I said. To be honest, I didn't even know if I would be able to survive out there in that state. Especially because the first day of the expedition was the anniversary of what was causing the unsettling feelings that haunted me.

"I never said I was worried, brat." He said.

I looked over at him. He looked away towards a cabinet to his right. The light that stretched through the window behind him made it harder to see his face but, I could tell he was slightly uncomfortable. It was like he regretted mentioning it.

"So you aren't worried about me?" I asked as I shifted my focus to the table in front of me, slightly disappointed.

"Well… I didn't say that eith… Never mind. When you're feeling better, let's go do something productive." He said, standing up from his chair. I smiled slightly before standing up, he really did care about me… Even if he hardly even bothered to talk to me.

* * *

"Why are we doing this again?" I asked as Levi tossed me a small knife. I caught the handle and started twirling it between my fingers.

"For fun. There are too many people in the forest and gym, it would be too crowded if we joined them. And it's not like we can do much else since we're leaving in the morning." Levi replied.

"Since when do you like having fun? You were always so cold-hearted and serious before, what happened?" I replied before taking a stance. I held the blade in my right hand and shifting my left leg forward. Levi and I used to practice hand-to-hand combat as children so we could defend ourselves as we got older, even though Kenny didn't want me to become some underground thug.

"Tch, shut up. That's none of your business." He said before charging towards me, both hands on the handle of his dagger. I quickly brought my blade up to block his strike. I quickly glanced at his hand, he wasn't taking the fight seriously. He was aiming for the side of my face, he was trying to avoid serious injury…

I ducked out of his way and pushed forward, slashing in front of his face as he jumped backwards. I swiftly bolted towards him, changing my grip on the handle so it faced backwards. I jumped, trying to get above him so I could strike downwards. He wasn't much taller than me, only a couple inches, so I easily made it high enough and looked down at him as I aimed the tip of the knife pointed towards his shoulder. As I came close to making contact, I started to worry. He wasn't taking any action to defend himself. Suddenly, he grabbed the blade of my knife with his hand, staring my in the eyes with his typical unimpressed expression.

"What…" I said quietly before I felt the skin of my left cheek being pierced. I jumped backwards and placed my hand on my face. He got me. A small amount of blood trickled down my hand.

My eyes widened as Levi immediately struck again. Our daggers clashed, mine barely making it in time to prevent a stab wound in my chest. He stood close to me, looking down at me slightly. His face was close to mine, closer than it had ever been…

I didn't move for a few moments. I didn't know what to do next. I was one of the best and hand-to-hand combat in the training corps because of my background, why couldn't I think of anything to do? All I did was stare into his eyes. I never noticed how perfectly the dull colour shone in the sunlight. The few inches that separated us make me notice how perfect his face was for the first time…

My daze was shattered when he moved again, slashing upwards and cutting me again. He wasn't holding back any more… I fell backwards and pushed myself back onto my feet. I was not going to lose, I would not give in. We were both determined to beat the other.

We went back and forth. He almost got the better of me than I almost beat him. We were completely focused, we had no care for what happened around us. We were the only two that mattered during that long session.

After many failed slashes and stabs, I was pushed backwards. My feet slid across the dry ground and I tried to block my face. I already had quite a few cuts, I didn't want any more. When I stopped sliding and peeked out from behind my hands, I immediately saw him running towards me before knocking the blade out of my hand. I watched it fly behind me. I dodged his next attack slightly, lessening the deepness of a new wound on my arm before ducking down and kicking my leg against his. I saw him start to fall before my legs finally gave out. We sat on the ground, panting. I laid down on the ground, the sun was almost getting close to setting. We had been at it nonstop for over an hour. I was exhausted.

"My face hurts." I said, turning my head to look in Levi's direction.

"Sorry. I guess I went a bit too far..." He replied, looking away from me. His arm rested on his bent knee.

"You're being nice again." I said, a grin breaking free across my face.

"Tch. Shut up, brat."

"Chana! That was so cool!" I heard a voice say from the opposite direction of where I was looking. I shifted my head to look towards the cheerful voice. Tereza and Fannar ran up to me.

"Uh… Thanks I guess…" I said as I pushed myself back up into a sitting position.

"You guys are so strong! You look so cool fighting together!" Tereza screamed, her high pitched voice making her sound like a young girl.

"Where did you lean those techniques? They didn't teach us that in the Training Corps." Fannar added.

"How did you lean to fight like that? Can you pleaseee teach me?" Tereza said, her voice loud and excited.

"It would be very beneficial to learn some new skills."

"We can all train together!"

I giggled as they rambled on. They seemed so eager to get better, to lean as much as they could. They were both happy to be there, happy to live and grow. It made me happy to see their smiles.

* * *

 _"Please, I'm sorry alright! Please don't! Please don't do it!"_

 _"What should I do with you? Quickly or slowly? What a hard decision…" I muttered, copying his exact words from earlier._

 _I stared as the knife pierced his skin and disappeared. Blood pooled around the once-clean blade. The man's eyes became lifeless, his breathing stopped. I kept staring as the blood stained my hands. He deserved it. He deserved the pain. He deserved the same treatment he gave my mother._

I gasped as I sat up, gripping the edge of my blanket. My breathing was staggered and heavy.

"No, no, no, this can't be happening." I whispered to myself. The painful memories were now attacking my dreams, there was no escape anymore.

My hands shook. I pulled my knees up and hugged them, trying to calm myself down, trying to hold back the tears that pooled in my eyes. But there were no excuses for what I had just dreamed. It all happened, I did all of it. I deserved to be haunted by my actions.

A cold breeze blew through my window, causing me to shiver and pull the blanket over my shoulder. I was sure I wouldn't get much sleep that night. I sighed and decided to get up and walk around outside to calm myself down.

I slowly tried to walk down the ladder to my bed so I wouldn't wake up Tereza before walking outside and quietly shutting the door. The cool air surrounded me and stung my hands. After a few minutes, I immediately regretted stepping out into the freezing night. I turned to walk back, holding my arms tightly to try to conserve heat.

"What the fuck are you doing?"

I looked up from the ground and my eyes locked with Levi's gray ones. He stood in front of me, looking down because of his slight height advantage. His face carved into the same serious expression it always was.

"I told you to sleep brat, tomorrow will be a long day." He said.

"I was um… I was cold and I couldn't sleep… That's all." I replied, looking away.

"So you decided to come outside?"

"I know it wasn't really a good idea…"

"If you only came out because you were cold, why does it look like you were crying?"

"I… I wasn't crying, I swear. It's just the cold air."

"I don't believe you."

"I swear! Why would I be crying anyways?"

"That's a stupid question."

"I wasn't crying because of that… I'm just cold… That's it."

"You're really bad at lying."

"I'm not lying… I was just cold."

I kept looking away, trying not to meet his eyes. I knew that if I looked at him, I would risk thinking about my dream and would break down in front of him again. I didn't want to be a burden and act like a weak child in front of him again.

"I'm the last person who would believe you weren't crying Chana."

"But I…"

"You should really stop thinking about it and go to bed. Tomorrow's going to be hard enough for you as it is, you don't need to be exhausted on top of that."

"That's easier said than done." I sighed. There was no use in hiding it, he wasn't going to give up, "I woke up because I was dreaming about murdering the man who killed my parents. It was like I was reliving the scene again and I… I'm scared of going back to sleep and dreaming about it again…"

I bit the bottom of my lip as my eyes started welling up. I tried to choke back the tears and get rid of the lump that blew up inside my throat but, I couldn't stop it. Before I knew it, a tear fell down my cheek onto the dusty ground. I put my shaking hand over my mouth and turned away from Levi.

"I… I'm… I'm going to… go back… to my barracks…" I stuttered.

As I was starting to take the first step, I heard a few footsteps shuffle of the ground behind me. I quietly gasped and tensed up as I felt arms wrap around my shoulders from behind.

"Don't be scared." I heard Levi whisper in my right ear. I let go and let my eyes drown in salty tears. The world in front of me went blurry. I wanted it all to stop I wanted the day to be over, even though it hadn't even started.

"If you think it would make you feel better… Would you want to stay with me tonight… Because of tomorrow." He said, his usual harsh tone now more gentle. I didn't say anything for a while, contemplating whether it was a good idea while trying to stop my crying.

I lifted my hand up to wipe my face, my arm touching his. His warm embrace was unusual and unexpected but, I felt safe knowing he was there. I didn't want him to leave, I wanted to stay in his arms until the day was over. I didn't want to go back to the barracks to be with a bunch of people who had no idea why I was so depressed. I slowly nodded in response to his offer.

* * *

"There are extra blankets in this drawer." Levi instructed, opening the bottom drawer on a tall wooden dresser, "You can sleep on the bed, I'll stay on the couch."

"I can't take the bed!" I yelled. I could feel my face getting red before looking away.

"Why not? Besides, I hardly ever use it anyways, I'm used to sleeping on chairs."

"I can sleep on the couch. You sleep on the bed" I said, picking up a blanket and bringing it over to a small couch in front of a window.

"You need sleep, I doubt you'll fall asleep easily on there."

"I'll be fine, don't worry."

I unfolded the blanket and pulled it over my shoulder. I laid down and Levi sighed before blowing out the light and walking over to the bed. I could faintly see him lie down in the moonlight before the room fell completely silent.

I had stopped crying when I arrived and realized exactly what I agreed to. In my weak state, all I wanted was not to be left alone. When we arrived, I found out we would be staying in the same room… all night… by ourselves… I couldn't fall asleep knowing he was sleeping just a few feet away.

On top of that, the window beside me was no better than the one in the barracks. I could feel a draft coming in from beside my head, making me shiver under the think blanket I took. I tried hugging it tightly to conserve heat but, the breeze managed to break through the fabric.

I sighed and walked over to the dresser. As I pulled open the bottom drawer to get another blanket, I heard shuffling behind me. I quickly jolted my head around to find out where the noise came from. Levi had turned around in his sleep, his face now looking in my direction. I slowly closed the drawer and started making my way to the couch again. But, stopped when I noticed the calm look his sleeping face portrayed.

I had never seen him seem so relaxed. His eyes were lightly closed with no signs of agitation. His mouth was slightly open and he didn't scrunch up his face like he usually would whenever he spoke or gave orders. It seemed like he had no worries, like the next day had no chance of being his last. I crouched down beside his bed, my eyes peeking over the edge to get a closer look at the rare sight before me.

"What the fuck are you doing Chana?" Levi said after suddenly opening his eyes. The sudden sight of his dull eyes made me fall backwards in surprise.

"Um… I was just… I was just getting a blanket! I was cold!" I said, holding up the blanket in hopes to convince him. He sighed.

"Is the shitty window bothering you?"

"It's not that bad, this blanket will be enough."

"I told them to fix it last week, what's taking them so long?" His tone turned angry.

"It's fine! I'll be able to stay warm, don't worry about it."

"No. I tried sleeping there and I stayed up all night. You can sleep here if you want."

I looked at the bed to see him shuffling over to the other side of the large bed. My eyes automatically widened as I breathed in loudly. I could feel the blood rushing to my face as I stood beside the bed, frozen. _Did he just… Ask me to… sleep with him..?_

"Do… Do you mean...?" I stuttered, clutching the cotton blanket tightly in my arms.

"If you're cold, just sleep in the bed. It'll be warmer that way." He said as he turned away and pulled the blanket towards him.

"But… I can't…"

"Why not, we used to sleep beside each other as kids. It's no big deal."

"But…"

"I don't want you to stay awake all night because of the shitty window being broken. If you do, then you'll probably die and we don't want to lose one of our best soldiers on her first expedition."

"I guess…"

I knew I wouldn't get much sleep on the couch. Part of me wanted to go under the covers… with him. But, the rest wanted to avoid the awkwardness that I knew would come with that decision. I stayed frozen for minutes, debating whether to pursue what I subconsciously knew I wanted to do or to avoid any feelings that could come out of it.

Having not yet made a final decision, my hand slowly reached out to the corner of the blanket. I could feel my heart beating in anticipation. My hand reached the bed and I stopped once again. I took a deep shaky breath and put down the blanket I took from the drawer before pulling back the corner of the surprisingly heavy bed covers. I still didn't know what to do.

I took a deep breath and sighed. I felt compelled to climb in, like I was being pulled into the covers. I knew in the back of my mind that I wanted to go, that I felt safe and calm beside him. He was always there whenever I was weak and he always found a way to calm me down. He was the only person I could feel comfortable with… And I wanted to feel safe that night.

I quickly laid down and closed my eyes and I swiftly pulled the blanket over my shoulder. I wanted to get up and go back to the couch, I wanted to regret getting in. But... I didn't... I clutched the edge tightly and tried not to move or make a sound. I tried not to bother Levi.

Soon enough, I felt the difference in temperature between the bed and the couch. It gently soothed me until I fell asleep, forgetting about what I had just done and what could happen because of that decision.


	9. Chapter 9

**Sorry for the long wait, but the new chapter is finally here! Hope you all enjoy it!**

 **Chapter 9: Just move on**

"Why can't I ever go with you guys? I want to train too!" The girl protested. The boy stood outside waiting for the man.

"I told you, you can't come with us. Stop asking questions. You're lucky enough I even decided to take care of you." The man said, slowly walking out the door.

"Why not! I want to be strong too!" She pleaded.

"I said no. Now stay here until we get back, Chana." The man said, closing the door. Before the girl was enveloped in the darkness of the windowless home, her eyes met with the boy's and didn't lose contact until she could no longer see him behind the door.

* * *

"Gooood morning Levi!" A voice yelled as the door slammed open.

I gasped and opened my eyes to see Levi's face inches from mine. I froze as his eyes slowly opened. We stared at each other for a moment before we heard giggling from the end of the bed.

"Tch." Levi said as he turned to sit up on the edge of the bed. I turned my head to glance at the door to see Section Commander Hanji in the doorway, staring at us wide-eyed. I screamed and fell off the end of the bed.

"Well, I guess I'll leave you two alone then. Don't be late." She said, a grin spreading across her face. She slowly creeped back to the door.

"It's not like that. Fucking shitty glasses." Levi said, clearly annoyed by Hanji's statement.

"Suuure. You two have fun now." She said, closing the door behind her as she left the room. I sat on the ground, the most embarrassed I had ever been.

Levi walked around me and reached into one of the drawers in the dresser. I didn't move, still in shock and fear. What was she going to do? What if she told everybody? What if everybody thought…

"You should go and get ready, we need to meet up with the others soon." He said.

"Oh, um, right. Of course. I'll get going sir. I'll meet you at the rendezvous point." I said, standing up and quickly making my way to the door. As I pushed the door closed behind me, I heard Levi sigh from inside the bedroom.

* * *

"Where did you go last night Chana?" Tereza said, walking up beside me as I was reaching into my cabinet for some fresh clothes. I froze.

"Um… Well… I was… Here…" I said. I couldn't let her, of all people know I stayed the night at Levi's all night. She was the type of person to run down the halls telling everyone, and I was not going to let everyone find out in fear of what they would think and how they would treat me. I had a bad enough reputation as it was, I couldn't let them think of me as anything worse.

"But I saw you walk out last night and you didn't come back." She said. My eyes stayed fixed to a shelf in the cabinet.

"I… Came back… Didn't you see me?"

"No, and I was up for a while too. That must have been a really long walk."

"Ya, I just needed to… clear my head. Make sure I'm ready for today, you know?" I laughed.

"What about this morning? You weren't here when I woke up."

"I was up early and went for a run." I said. I reached towards the small pile of shirts directly in front of me.

"Really?" She said, "You're either really bad at talking to people or a really bad liar, Chana."

I froze again.

"What? I'm not lying."

"Yup, you really are a terrible liar. Does it have something to do with your Captain?" Tereza smirked.

"No! Of course not!" I said, closing the cabinet door, "Nothing happened Tereza, I just went for a walk last night. You always make crazy assumptions."

"If you don't want to tell me, I guess that's fine." She sighed, "I'll see you when we meet up to leave. I'm really happy we'll be together this time."

"Ya, it'll be nice." I said. We both went smiled and turned to go our separate ways.

I changed into a fresh grey shirt, one of the many I had. Most of my wardrobe consisted of plain grey long-sleeve tees and the standard uniform pants. Besides that were a few white collared shirts and a couple dark blue tee shirts. Everyone's wardrobe was pretty basic, we didn't need a large fancy collection of outfits.

By the time I had finished strapping on my ODM gear, almost everyone had left. I quickly rushed to the centre of the base to find groups of people clumped together. I eyed the crowd for Levi, hoping I wouldn't have to walk around the whole area to find him. Thankfully, I noticed Tereza's bright hair and found Levi sitting with her and Fannar. I sighed in relief and ran over. I was in no mood to spend my energy looking for them.

"Hey guys, sorry I'm so late." I apologized, sitting down at the table they were at.

"Tch. Just sit down, brat. We're going to leave any minute so be ready." Levi scoffed and looked to the side, where everyone stood.

"Alright sir!" I said.

"Why are you so rude? You should at least show some respect to your teammate, captain." Tereza said beside me. I immediately looked at her, hoping she just didn't say that.

"What?" Levi said, turning his head to look at Tereza.

"I'm just saying, you shouldn't be so mean to her. Compared to yesterday you're a lot meaner now. Lighten up."

"Since when are you in a position to tell me what to do brat?" Levi said. He was pissed, his eyes were locked on Tereza, glaring at her with rage.

"Tereza, it's alright. Just let it go. It's not even a big deal." I said, trying to prevent an argument. That was the last thing we needed, especially before we left to go fight.

"Tereza, she said it was alright. You've been at this since we got here, I don't think you need to keep going. We're all on a team now, we need to be nice to each other." Fannar said, entering the conversation.

"I'm just defending my friend. She doesn't deserve to be treated like that." She pouted, looking away.

"You've known her for a few months, you don't even know who she is." Levi said, also looking away from us.

"You don't either Levi, you didn't even bother to talk to me for eighteen years. Just drop the subject and start acting like a team. " I said, starting to become fed up with the bickering. We all remained silent, listening to the muffled conversations of the other teams. The sudden sound of hands slamming against our table made me jump.

"Well, what were you two up to last night?" Section Commander Hanji stood at the end of the table.

"Fuck off shitty glasses."

"What do you mean last night?" Tereza asked, perking up from her angry mood.

"Nothing happened! I have no clue what she's talking about!"

"Well, my little new recruit, let me tell you what I saw." Hanji smiled, "This morning, I went to go wake Levi up like I have been for the past few weeks. He was usually awake already, so my wake up calls were useless. But, this morning when I burst into his room, I saw the two of them sleeping together."

Hanji pointed at Levi and me with both hands and smiled. I turned away as I started to feel my humiliation surface on my face.

"Really?" Tereza yelled, "They were both in the same bed?!"

"Yup, and they were really close too. Only about three inches apart I'd say."

"I knew you were lying Chana!" Tereza said excitedly as she jumped and hugged me, "You have to stop keeping things from me! You don't have to be embarrassed! I'll support you no matter what you decide to do!"

I glanced over at Levi sitting across from me. His head was turned away, I could barely see the corner of his eye. But, I noticed a small change in the colour of his face from the small part I could see. The more I looked, the more I was convinced he was blushing, even in the slightest bit.

"So, are you two together now?" Hanji asked, smirking again.

"No… That's not it at all. Of course we aren't." I managed to say.

"Really? Well than why was she in your room Levi?"

"It's not my place to tell you. If she wants to tell you, she can do it when she's ready to." Levi said, not moving his head an inch to look at anyone. I looked down and hugged my knees close to me.

"Is it something serious?" Tereza asked, releasing her grip on my shoulders slightly. I took a deep breath. I knew this would be the best time to tell them, so I could get in off my mind during the expedition. I would probably feel a lot better after saying it out loud…

"Well… Today is… The anniversary of the day my parents died…" I said, "When I was a kid, I lived in the underground district… And… When I was eight… My dad… He thought him and some other people could take one of the stairwells to the surface from the fucking merchants and let people go up for free. But they murdered him… Then those same people kidnapped my mother and I and killed her… Right in front of me… Levi saved me before I was killed… and then... I… we…" I hugged my legs tighter, forcing myself not to break down.

"That's enough." Levi said, standing up from the bench he sat on.

"But…" I said, wondering why he cut me off. I was prepared to tell them everything, I didn't want to keep it all in anymore. I was prepared to let everyone know what happened so I could stop worrying about it by myself all the time.

"Basically, she was bawling alone in the middle of the base last night and I let her stay with me for the night because I was the only one who knew why. She would have caused a scene if she went back to the barracks. It's no big deal. Nothing else happened."

Silence engulfed our table. Nobody moved. I could feel the tension that hung in the air. I wanted to take it back, I wished I hadn't said anything. I had no idea what they were thinking, what they were planning on doing next. I wanted to disappear, I held my legs closer and tried to remain as small as I could.

"I'm sorry Chana. I've been a bit too pushy lately. I understand why you didn't tell me before… I'm sorry for making you." Tereza said softly as she let go of me.

"I can't even imagine what that was like… I'm really sorry Chana…" Fannar said, his tone clouded with awkwardness.

I felt a tear well up in my left eye and fall down onto my knees. I wasn't sad so much as relieved, I should have told someone about it sooner. I was so scared of what people would think, I kept it bottled up inside. Now that I could finally confide in my new friends, it made me feel calmer and more relaxed, like I could count on them to be there.

I felt hands on mine as they were slid off my knees. I looked up to see Hanji crouched in front of me, holding my hands in hers. She smiled.

"I know losing someone can be hard. But, we need to get over these things or they'll hold us back. You don't want to be thinking of something that happened so many years ago when you need to be thinking about the present." Hanji said, "You need to leave the pain behind, you can't change the past no matter how hard you try. Move on, Chana. There's nothing you can do other than that. Now, why don't we be friends?"

"I…" I said. Tears suddenly piled up in my eyes and fell down my face. Hanji's smile disappeared and was replaced with a surprised expression.

"You're right, Section Commander, Thank you." I said as a tear fell from my face.

She stood up and sat beside me. I turned so that my feet were no longer on the bench, planning on standing up. But, Hanji wrapped her arms around me and made me stay seated. I immediately starting bawling again and leaned my forehead against her shoulder.

"Everything's going to be alright, Chana." I heard her say over my sobs.

"Today, we make our way to Trost district! This afternoon we will embark on the 32nd recon mission! All soldiers move out!" Commander Shadis yelled over the crowd. It was time to leave the safety of the base, and venture out to places I had never been to before.


End file.
